I had another disturbing dream last night, this time I was lovingly staring into my husband’s eyes and we were having a serious talk. He told me he couldn’t handle the stress of being both dad and mom to our kids and putting in all the hours at work that he does. He told me he loved me very much but couldn’t stay married in this arrangement anymore. He needed someone who could give him the same amount attention that he’s capable of giving, more evenly.
Instead of dropping out of nursing school, I obliged his requests and let him leave the marriage. I was devastated, because instead of moving far away from him, I just went next door and we swapped spouses with another couple. All the while I was seeing him getting acquainted with another woman who was willing to do all the things I use to do for him, including cooking him supper, sitting on the front porch and smiling while chit-chatting, but most importantly just the lovely little things that make a couple complete. Which include having conversations about the positive and negative parts of their day and confiding about desires and dreams of their futures. In this dream, MY husband was doing all of this without me, all the while I was sitting by the wayside next door.
Every once in awhile I would sneak over to “their” house when the other women was out, so I could talk to my husband and see if things were working well. He would tell me that things were slow in coming along with this new woman. He said he would never stop loving me and things would never be as good with this woman as he had them with me, but wasn’t willing to come back to me.
I was crushed and devastated and when I woke up this morning I had a hard time believing this was just a dream, I was nearly shaking while brushing my teeth because I was that upset.
I know I’ve been a studying fool lately with the amount of tests and school work, and the inadequate amount of sleep is wearing on me. I know I haven’t been to church in what seems like forever even though I promised myself I’d attend more with having my Sunday’s off from work. And the correct dosage of Holy Spirit each week is important to me to stay balanced which I obviously am missing.
But I can’t help but wonder am I irreplaceable in this marriage? You hear all the time, at work that people are always replaceable and you’re never as important as you think, but does that ring true in marriage too?