Thursday, March 31, 2011

admission of defeat

After today, I feel like I have a learning deficiency.  After today, I have come to learn that I am an extremely visual learner.  Set me in front of a book with a pen and paper for hours and I’ll prove to you that I learn very little that way.
Set me in front of a partner explaining things either by talking or acting them out and I am set on fire with the amount of information I absorb.  What took me hours to try to wrap my head around yesterday studying on my own from my notes and book, took all but a half hour for me to get by having a wonderful co-student show me what I needed to know. 

How am I going to survive the next two years with this visual learning style?  It’s not like my co-students are going to want to reiterate before each test for me. 

After receiving an average score on my Pharmacology exam today this is the text I wrote my husband:
“I feel completely inadequate and dumb.  I wish I wasn’t the student I am.  I am not made to be a nurse or anything productive.  I should go back to loving my kids and doing housework, and even that I wasn’t very good at.”

Now keep in mind, this was written after my exam and I was on my way to my car.  I finally was able to let my guard down from being around the other students, the tears flowed and I was hoping my husband could heal me with his words of encouragement.  He was at work and talked with me briefly but in a way only a husband could. 

It’s funny how I am an honors student feeling such meagerness, that all I want to do is quit.


  1. It is funny! Because your so smart and your doing so well. But it shows ya, even smarties have their times of challenge. You'll learn the most I am sure on the job itself, so you'll be fine. You'll be one of the best nurses around in my opinion because you have such a heart. Buck up little lady, you'll ace some other exam and feel better soon!

  2. ooooh don't quit! You are doing so WELL!

    Besides, there is more to nursing than books.
    Hey, I was slightly dyslexic - so if you can imagine that for a learning problem!

  3. Absolutely, it is so so much more than books. Some people got straight A's in school, but are confused and maddened by the real world of nursing. Most of these people immediatley go to grad school to get away from bedside nursing. I think you have the personality to be a fantastic nurse.

  4. Ohhh...don't quit! I need you to convince me to not quit!

    Seriously, I'm right there with you. I feel so stupid most of the time. I'm used to being at the top of the curve, not in the middle, certainly not at the bottom. It's been a blow to my ego and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it completely. I just keep plodding along, studying and doing my best. And I've learned to not try to be the top grade in the class...*hard* lesson for me to learn, but it's finally sinking in.

    ((HUGS)) Hang in there, chica...we'll get through it!

  5. Dominique - thank you so much for all of your unconditional and motivation love you have for me.
    CC - Thanks for your encouragement too, I'm not one of those students who toots her own horn (too often) about how smart she is but darn this semester has been truly humbling.
    rnraquel - thank you so much for your vote of confidence, I hope my love, concern, and personality will get me farther than these darn test scores.
    Kendra - This sucks! My husband totally found a great thread on that talk about a better way to study for nursing exams that describe how to retain info. Here is the link:

  6. I wish I could be there to help you through this. I actually did this for a fellow Nursing student when I was in Block 1. She was a straight A type A person. Had the 4.0 in the pre-reqs and her first nursing school test was a big fat D. As was her second. It was at this point that she reached out for help since I had managed A's. To find out how I was studying. I had a recorder, I would tape lecture. Not take notes. I would watch the instructor lecture. I would then go home and relisten to the lection, write out notes, then outline the chapter using the Key Points. The highlight the topics covered in lecture. If they pass out Powerpints, they probably test via the Powerpoint as a guide. I would also use visual aides and watch youtube explainations. It's hard to readjust your thinking but the questions you have done in the past are all Knowledge Based. 1+ 1 = 2. I can't stress enough the use of the NCLEX study guides for studying. Work on the SELECT ALL THAT APPLY and the Analysis and Application questions. Read the rationals. The books are usually set up by topic and you can use them to go along with what you are learning.

    On your tests, have you managed to get the questions down to two possible questions. The right one and the one you chose for those that you missed.

    You KNOW the material, but Nursing School is about applying them to the correct situation and the one with highest priority.