Important Update..I'm NOT dead, I've just Graduated!!!

Hello all remember me? I have been gone for what seems like eons and my only excuses are being lazy, tired, and overwhelmed at times with a busy schedule...oh and graduating!

My last semester was a successful one leaving me with not as much studying as I expected (those upper classmen have a sneaky way of always frightening us). I felt refreshed taking my time getting homework turned in, as well as studying for tests and passing them. Which left me time to assess and reassess my relationships with school friends.

I realized not all friendships are "lasting" but there were a few worth “working on”. Here’s just a helpful hint for those who haven't got a clue, friendships go both ways. If you find yourself in a rerun episode of listening to the same friend talk incessantly about them, turn and run! They may not really be capable of having a two-sided friendship, meaning they don't have time to listen when you need to talk or help solve your problems. Just trying to keep you all out of those ugly friendship traps we're all accustomed to falling into. Either way, your true friendships aren't work at all; they're comfortable and rewarding with little effort.

I was able to reassess my role as mother to my kids after being a fraction of who I once was for so long and I have to say I have some work to do. It won’t be an overnight change but definitely salvageable, thank you Lord!

I was able to reassess my relationship with my hubby and determined of all the relationships this one I was least lacking in.  Thankfully because of our many attempts to keep things as normal as possible throughout the years. 

However, my hubby, to his amazing credit always kept my schooling important enough in the front of his mind, not to allow it to separate us. I would still like to sprinkle our relationship with sugar and spice and everything nice, just to add my special touch once again!

A huge Thank You to all of my family who has patiently waited for me to finish school and all the while kept on encouraging me with positive attitudes and many prayers!  

I love you all!!!!

Detaching from school has been slow but apparent. It’s hard to look at myself in the mirror and think I’m no longer in college. I still find myself dreaming about studying. I find it odd that my to-do list doesn’t consist of studying 600 pages worth of material only to be tested on 50 ?s. It’s remarkable being able to look at my family and not have a preoccupation of guilt and counting the minutes of studying I’ll have to make up before the next exam.

I definitely have come a long way in 4.5 years of college and $43,069 of debt, but it was worth every penny, tear, and complaint to say I’m done! If it is possible for this broken soul to succeed, then let my story be an encouragement to anyone wondering if they aren’t too late in deciding to make a better future for them.

It is possible to graduate from college soberly, while tending to a family, trying to make a living, and for the most part carry a positive attitude...oh and also a learning disability.  
Go for your goals, dreams, and what seems impossible to attain. Because when you succeed, the amazing accomplishment feels soo divine and the proud look of approval by family and friends is irreplaceable.

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I’ll be writing more posts regarding my long week of Kaplan training that started last Tuesday and finished yesterday, blah 24 hours of NCLEX strategy teaching and learning. I finally feel more confident regarding a good study plan for boards.

Also I’ll be sharing a few OB stories, one in particular regarding hearing 3 heart beats at the same time. So stay tuned! I’m not done…

MICU

This past month I had the opportunity to spend 9 hours in the Medical Intensive Care Unit (MICU) and I got to follow this great seasoned funky nurse.  I had a blast, but most importantly I got to put into practice a few of things I have been learning in my critical care class.  For instance, at the start of the shift my nurse prints out a current telemetry monitoring strip and proceeds to interpret it.  I loved this step because I had a take-home midterm that consisted of reading some strips and what takes me forever to interpret only took her a matter of seconds.

Then we got to meet our two patients for the day where one suffered from a slow brain bleed needing surgery, and the other a CVA (stroke) affecting the left side of the body.  I thought it was neat that the nurse had to do neurological assessments as often as she assessed for pain (approx. every 2 hours) and she had her routine down perfectly. 

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Ultimately what I liked most about this experience was that the family trusted me enough to ask me questions.  Instead of seeing me as a student they looked to me for help and information.  I stepped up to the plate and answered what I could, but I was quick to admit if I didn’t know something and offered to find out.  It was a busy day, but fulfilling.  I’m glad I got my job in OB, because I’m not sure I’m cut out for the MICU.

The last time I worked in OB, my boss was thrilled to tell me when I would be attending the AWHONNs fetal heart monitoring class.  One more step in the right direction, now I just need to find a good patho OB book for my collection.  Any ideas?

Daffodils and Tulips Never Sounded So Good

Here’s the update:

1) Thank you everyone for all of your prayers and good thoughts and for thinking/believing in me, I have some great news!

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2) Last week Tuesday, right before spring break, on my very last day of clinical wearing my blue smurf school scrubs and white nursing student patch, I got a call from HR.  I was excited to finally be hearing from them so we could set up a time to interview on the birth center, but guess what happened??  Instead of the nursing recruiter saying “let’s schedule a time to interview” which is what I assumed she would say, she said “the managers on the birth center, would like to offer you, Zazzy, a registered nurse job on their unit after you graduate”!  SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!  I wasn’t expecting to hear that, and my ears were ringing and fuzzy all at the same time.  My mouth went dry, my face flushed, and I started sweating.  I couldn’t believe what I had heard.  And because I was in a state of shock the nursing recruiter went on to say “let me tell you more about the offer” and I was silently jumping for joy and doing backflips in my head.  She said “you would be scheduled 36 hrs/week variable”, “you have the option to choose whether you want an 8 or 12 hour shift”, “if you choose the 8 hour shift you’ll work every other weekend, but if you choose the 12 hour shift you’ll work every third weekend”.  She finally paused and asked, “so would you like to accept this offer of employment” to which I answered with an unquestionable “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Holy Smokes (no pun intended with the new Pope and all), but I was shocked that they were offering me the job without an interview.  I even asked the recruiter and she told me that the BC managers were confident with my work ethic and skill ability as an OB Tech that an interview wasn’t necessary.  I could not have been more thrilled honestly!  My DREAM job was being gently placed in my lap, like a feather falling to the ground.  AMEN AND THANK YOU LORD! AMEN AND THANK YOU LORD! AMEN AND THANK YOU LORD!  There will be more to come as I find time to write on my spring break, but for now I just wanted you all to know I got the job!

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3) The week after our house went on the market, we’ve had two showings and an open house.  We almost got an offer, but the prospective buyers went with a different house for less money.  No worries, I’m content on waiting and not rushing.  We know God has a plan for us and we’re doing all we can which is all that is expected of us.

4)  Also as I write this, despite my cloud 9 happiness with my job offer and all, my cabin fever has turned into cabin rage because it is currently snowing once again in Wisconsin with 3” expected.  UGHHH I just want to dance in the grass with the daffodils and tulips!  Is that too much to ask?  Maybe soo with all my blessings, so instead I'll stay internally bright and just as happy as if spring were coming.

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68 Days Until I Graduate!

Greetings from the snowy areas of the north, oy-vey the spring fever has be hitting me hardcore!  On the positive side, I have quite the updates to bring you all.

1)  My school semester has been moving right along and a ton of stress has been lifted from my shoulders with less school work!  The only papers I have this semester is my Capstone (This paper often determines the student's chances of attending graduate school and is a lengthy and difficult paper to complete), and the only exams are my mid-terms and finals. 

2)  Speaking of school we had to retake the HESI again this semester and this time the result of the exam is a part of our grade.  Knowing our min. score should be around 900, I came in at about 844.  Shoot I missed it by that much…oh well.  I’m not too bummed about the lower grade, I’ll just retake it in a few weeks and take the better of the two grades and own it.  What’s funny is majority of the students in the class (75%) fail this exam semester after semester, yet when these same students take the NCLEX, they pass.  I find it hard to directly correlate the results of the HESI, to how well a student does on the NCLEX.  I’m thinking the results of the HESI prove the geniuses from the really really bright and highly smart students in the class.  Either way I plan to set aside a few weeks of solid studying for the NCLEX after graduation, but that’s a different story.

3)  I’m excited to order my cap, gown, and honor cords!  I also have to order my nursing pin, my choices are ones that start at $60 and I can get fancy solid gold ones for $500, yikes huh?  Why can’t I browse Amazon and buy a cheaper pin??  I’m trying to figure out what outfit I’d like to wear under my gown, dress or skirt or pants suit?  I’m also trying to figure out how to wear my hair, knowing I have to wear that cap on top.  I was thinking either a low bun or spiral curls sitting on my shoulders. 

  

4) I’m SUPER thrilled to announce my great news (and sorry I did not tell you all sooner).  I had that meeting with my supervisor on the birth center and informed her of my intentions of wanting a job as a nurse on the unit after I graduate.  While she didn’t come right out and say that she would hire me, she did instruct me NOT to apply to any other units and that she would keep a spot for me, and to relax worrying about where I would end up when I’m done with school.  She told me to keep my head in the books and to pass the boards!  YahoooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOO!  My ears were ringing the whole time because I could not believe it, but I was doing a happy dance.  The Lord directly answered my prayers and put me where he wants me.  Amen!

5)  We’re still not sure the outlook on my hubby’s job, but we have made the decision to stay in Wisconsin.  We’re just waiting for his boss and his bosses’ boss to make up their minds on all the details of what they want my hubby to do.  Hopefully we’ll know more by the end of the month.  There is a possibility we’ll still move to Texas, but now that percentage is much lower than it once was. 

6)  Either way, whichever state we will end up living in; we HAVE to sell our house.  We have completely outgrown this home, which was once perfect for our small children, but has since gotten too small as the kids are getting older.  We put our house up for sale last Monday, and have our first open house this coming weekend.  We’re really praying it sells quickly so we don’t have to worry about later on having two house payments.  We have a fabulous realtor who is working hard for us!  Trust me getting this house ready to sell has been another test of our family relationship as a whole but in the end we have a great staged beautiful product, and we all still love each other.

7)  We would appreciate all the prayers we could get from selling the house to having my hubby’s boss figure out all the details.  Most importantly I’m asking for prayers that our family is moving in the direction that God wants for us.  We want nothing other than being obedient to His will for our lives.  Thank you everyone!

Mid Last Semester Concerns

Here I am in my last semester with only 14 weeks of school left, and 4 weeks of clinical left.  I’m flying so high on cloud 9 because the work load / group projects have decreased drastically.  I’m excited and absorbing my family much more now-a-days.  I’m able to help with laundry and cleaning and cooking around the house.  I almost feel normal again, however I can’t help feeling like I ought to be doing something more.  I write out my to-do lists for classes and can’t find something to work on, except of course practicing my NCLEX questions.  I can never get enough of those.

I’m asking for prayers on my future, specifically 1) where our family is going to live after graduation, and 2) where I’m going to be employed after I pass the boards.

Although our percentage is high to move to Texas this summer, we’re still not 100% sure.  Unfortunately all I can say at this point is nothing is for sure yet.  Either way I want to be settled in my soul and spirit with whatever our future holds.  Because of our uncertainty, brings me to my second prayer request of not knowing where I’ll be working.  Considering we could be staying here in town, I have to realistically apply for nursing jobs at the hospital where I am employed.  As well as apply for RN jobs in Texas, in case we for sure move there too.  This is tricky to say the least, but I know it’s best to put my eggs in a bunch of baskets and get multiple offers rather than just a few and get no offers.

My dilemma on the birth center where I work now (and want to work after I pass the boards), is that the job openings are far and few in between.  I’ve come to find out that my chances of an RN job opening up and being offered to me are low.  In fact one of the new nurses announced she is leaving her job to relocate elsewhere, which meant an opening.  And while I noticed a job opening and applied for it, my boss didn’t mention the opening to me, like I thought she would have.  Which then, leads me to think that I may not be the person they want to fill the job.  Now I don’t know if this is doubt or my own insecurities or that maybe my boss already has an opening I’m not aware of waiting for me?  Either way I don’t know what to think.  So I made an appointment to speak to my boss about my intentions of wanting to get hired after I graduate.  That meeting is scheduled for 2/25, and I would hope to have an understanding on whether they want me working there as an RN.  If I hear during that meeting anything other than “yes we want you” and/or “yes we’ll make sure there’s an opening for you as an RN”, then I’m going straight to my other bosses office on the med/surg floor and get the ball rolling on a job there.

You see part of the problem is that I assumed I’d have no problem getting a job on the med/surg floor because those openings have high turnover rates.  However, the longer I wait to hear from the birth center, leaves me with a smaller chance on the med/surg floor.  Whichever way I look at the situation I have to start acting now, otherwise I’ll be missing out on both units.

And yes, I have applied for a few jobs in the Dallas area, and hope to hear back from them around the same time I can say for sure we’ll be moving there.  The decisions seemed easier in my head but as I write them out here, they seem awfully confusing…so, sorry for that.

On another note, with the extra time I have available for family, I’ve been helping my son with his studies and engaged more with my daughter and her busy schedule.  I’ve been able to watch favorite TV shows with my hubby, and more involved with my bible reading plans.  

After I find out more on the 25^th I’ll write an update regarding both matters mentioned above.  Meanwhile stay warm everyone!

Nerves Getting the Best of Me

I’M SO STINKING NERVOUS!  

Nervous for what you may ask?  Nervous for tomorrow being my first day back to school for my final semester of school.  

Nervous because why?  Let me list a few for you: 1) because I’m scared of being overwhelmed with mountains of homework like last semester where I had a hard time keeping things organized.  2) because I’m worried about the (two) 10-12 hour clinical days per week, consisting of up to four patients at a time (yikes). 3) worried that I won’t be able to absorb my time with friends and the small moments of nursing school and that before I know it, I’ll be done.  4) most importantly worried I won’t pass the NCLEX at the end.

I’ve been reading blogs of friends who have graduated and passed the boards, and I’ve even see upper classmen live to tell about how their strategies worked for them or not.  I’ve listened and stored lots of advice in my brain.  And I’m not saying I’m better or unique, but I just think I’m going to have a harder time passing the darn thing than most other people. 

I can almost guarantee I’ll take longer than the minimal 75 questions to pass the NCLEX, and if the screen does shut off after 75 questions it won’t be because I passed.  I mean at least that’s how I feel deep down inside.  I almost hate to admit that because I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me.  Maybe I’ll pass just fine because that’s the picture he painted for my future instead of my insecure one, and if so then AMEN!  But what if I’m humbled and I don’t pass the first time, what if I don’t pass the second time.  I’m not prepared for that! 

I don’t think I could broadcast my exam date even on my blog because I’d be so embarrassed if I didn’t pass the first time around.  But I guess if I do announce a date for when I’m taking the NCLEX, and I don’t write a follow-up within a week after taking it, then you’ll know it didn’t go well.  UGH!!!  Why is this so hard to even want to deal with it?  It’s just another exam, testing me on content and application; I’ve been doing this for 4 semesters so far, so I should have nothing to worry about, right?  Right!

Then why am I so nervous?

Unpretentious Birth

Nothing pleases me more while working on the birthing center, than when the call light goes off for one of the rooms with a laboring mom ready to push.  I get all excited and giddy, and pick up the pace to grab a sterile cart that I’ve already prepared for this moment.  Usually the nurse I’m following grabs the baby scale and together we enter the room. 

The look in the mother’s eyes is not of shock or that we’ve intruded, despite the fact that sometimes her bottom is exposed.  Instead her look is of desperation to get the baby out and end the exhaustion that labor is putting her through. 

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The mother we took care of that day already had given birth once before, that took over two hours of actual pushing, and she was afraid this labor would be the same.  The nurse reassured her by saying that every pregnancy was different and we would know more after she started pushing.

Sometimes I am caught off guard by the sounds laboring moms can make, or how they talk to their spouses because of frustration.  This mom didn’t say much and every time she felt the pain increase from another contraction, she would cover her mouth as if to control herself to stay quiet.  She also purchased a birthing gown prior to coming to the hospital, and the nurse did her best to push it out of the way so it wouldn’t get soiled.  However, she was quite modest and kept pushing her gown down to cover her vagina, so her hubby and her mother wouldn’t see her exposed. 

The actual pushing of active labor only lasted about half an hour, especially after we talked her into dropping her knees down allowing for a wider opening.  Also, we put the head of the bed down straightening out the vaginal canal.  I was thrilled to take over the “counting to 10” for my nurse while she caught up on some charting during a few of the earlier pushes.  This made me feel like I was the nurse coaching the mom through the labor process, if only for a few pushes.

Moments later, the baby was on the warmer getting cleaned up and healthy apgar scores were being tallied.  Mom was saying over and over how beautiful the baby looked, dad was a blubbering mess (which I LOVE to see), and grandma was hugging and kissing her daughter for doing such a good job.  To be honest, even my eyes were a bit misty.

This never gets old to me; I love to watch the miracle of birth happen over and over!  I am so very blessed and happy with my decision to work here.  Now if only I could get a job as a nurse on this unit, I’d be all set!  Oh and also, between me and the nurse, together we were able to keep mom’s gown from getting too dirty.

New Year = New Word = Flexible

I know the second weekend in January is already upon me, but I’ve been inspired to write a New Year posting similar to this one one.

Carrie from Chasing Big Dreams wrote about a word(s) that summed up her 2012, along with a few new words to charge forward with into 2013, rather than New Year Resolutions.

Since I've never heard of this concept before, I was not able to sum up my 2012 into one word.  However, looking forward to the possibilities of my future this year, I think I have found a word that will fit nicely.

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Flexible defined by www.dictionary.com as: Capable of bending easily without breaking.  Able to be easily modified to respond to altered circumstances or conditions.

Here are a few of the areas that will pull and twist me, hopefully without breaking me:

~Finishing my last semester of nursing school

~Being supportive of my husband’s new job responsibilities that will take him on business trips more often leaving us without him

~Cleaning and purging my home in the attempt to get it ready to sell

~Keeping said home clean during “showings” from the Realtor (with two messy teenagers)

~Selling our house and possibly living in an apartment if only temporarily

~Studying for the NCLEX (state boards) AND passing them

~Searching, interviewing, and accepting a nursing job

~Saying goodbye to my family members and friends

~Moving to Texas

~Finding a home

~Adjusting to the positive and negatives of moving

~Learning the southern lifestyle

~Starting out as a fresh baby nurse

I think that’s about it.  I would love to put my new word to the test, and see if in January 2014, I was able to be flexible.  Here's to the new year!

Last Winter Break Before Graduation

This is my last winter break from school before I graduate in May with my BSN, and in a previous post I mentioned a few things I wanted to do with my family.  Here's what I've been up to:

Sledding with the kids

Reading more of the Bible

Making Gingerbread/Graham Cracker houses

Watching the snow fall, then melt, then fall, etc.

Enjoying my favorite cookie (peanut buttered Ritz crackers dunked in milk chocolate Almond Bark)

Working out more at the gym

Enjoying my Christmas lights (since this picture has been taken, the tree has come down)

Ultimately I couldn't have asked for a more productive winter break.  I start school in a few short weeks and until then, I am picking up more hours at work.  I hope you all had wonderful Christmas and New Year celebrations.

PS I couldn't forget the dreaded studying for NCLEX that I'll be doing as well.

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Ambassador

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It’s amazing to be called an ambassador as a Christian in 2 Corinthians 5: 11-21.  Many times I have spoken to others, of my zest and zeal for Christ without realizing there could be questions that I may not have the answers to.  That just because my emotions are electrifying would not be enough to carry me through a conversation without knowledge and truth from the Word to back up what I’m saying.

I find this a sore spot in my job as an ambassador for nursing too.  I may have the best intention to help heal others through serviceable hands, a willing heart, and empathy, but without knowledge I won’t get very far.  I’d be pretty useless.  If people rely on me for correct answers, then I better know what I’m talking about otherwise they won’t trust me and trust is very hard to work on earning back.

I had a conversation with my mother the other day regarding the way a medication worked (statins) and I was corrected by my mother (she is the patient taking this medication).  That was a humbling experience and even though she did not know the conversation had that kind of effect on me, I felt knocked off my block of understanding and knowledge.  I felt shaken on my foundational skills as a soon-to-be graduate nurse.  It was not the fact that I did not know the action of the medication, it was that I thought I did.  I could have led my mother in the wrong direction and if she did not know any better she could have believed my misguidance.

 

If this mishap could easily have been done regarding medication and someone's life in my hands and losing their trust as their nurse, then how much more damaging would it be to lead them astray in their spiritual life?  

I would never intentionally tell something to someone incorrectly, but because of my ignorance I’m motivated to learn more conscientiously.

Another Semester in the History Books

Heeeeeeeellllllloooooooooo people!  Wow what a great vacation it has been from school!  I feel like a new woman after the end of each semester.  I swear during each semester, I feel entrapped in some kind of intellectual hell that I can’t break free from or don’t know when it will end with deadline after deadline in my tunnel vision.  However after the semester comes to an end, I suddenly feel alive again.  The sun is brighter, the kids are more enjoyable, the hubby is more relaxed, and I actually have time to care about myself again.

So here are my official grades after such a crazy and almost unbearable semester:

I feel good about these grades because I was paired up with some amazing group members that cared as much as I did for great finished work and projects (almost to a fault), despite our crazy group problems. 

I’m so excited for my last semester to be over with already.  It hasn’t even started but I'll be thrilled when it's done.  Our semester starts back up again on Jan. 22^nd with 6 weeks of clinical right off the bat.  We’ll be in clinical on Tuesday and Wednesdays for 10-11 hours with as many as 4 patients…yikes!  I hope the nurse I’m assigned to will be helpful and not thinking to him/herself that since I’ll be graduating in May to just leave me.

Christmas came and went with much excitement, fun, family time, and good eats.  In preparing my heart for the true meaning of Christmas, I enjoyed the message being taught at my church with a 4-week series about (Turning Your Christmas Upside Down).  But I knew I needed something more, and since I didn’t have my nose in a textbook, I wanted to put my nose back into the bible.  Reading the Word of God daily helps set my mind right in all avenues of life.  I happened upon Misty’s blog posting about a website called She Reads Truth, which has lots of daily plans to follow and a supportive community to go along with it.  I started a reading plan and have been transformed not just leading up to Christmas but afterwards as well.  My kids even gave me a new journal for Christmas.

http://shereadstruth.com/

I get to work tonight and tomorrow night with the moms and babies, and I’m thrilled.  Last week after spending a 16-hour shift working on the med/surg floor, I’ve never been more convinced that OB/GYN is my calling.  I’ve often wondered if I can’t get a job as a grad nurse on the birth center would I be willing to work in the NICU verses the med/surg floor.  I don’t think I can work with sick or premature babies, they scare me too much.  I prefer the healthy pink onesJ  so there you have it, choice 1=birth center, choice 2=med/surg, choice 3=NICU.  At least that's what I think now, this may change again in the future.

Benny

Well I have to bring some sad news to deliver, as if there wasn’t enough; on 12/11/12 we had to put our beloved dog of 10 years down. 

Our dog had been having troubles breathing the weekend before but like most times when he had trouble breathing I assumed it was a cold.  But something wasn’t right because he just seemed off.  As the weekend ended and Monday began he just was so restless and unable to sleep for more than 5 minutes.  He paced around the house incessantly, and ate very little.  When we let him outside to go potty he would get so tired and just sit down in the snow, until he gathered enough strength to get back inside.  He held his head up high to breathe better.  At one point I was going to run to school to get my stethoscope to see if I could hear any wetness on his lungs.  We had an appointment with the vet on Tuesday afternoon, but by Tuesday morning my hubby rescheduled for a sooner time slot.  We couldn’t wait any longer, he was suffering so much.

The kids and I went to school and my hubby brought the dog to the vet, and I told my hubby not to make any decisions to put the dog down without me and the kids saying our last goodbyes. 

My hubby called and said the vet told him our dog had a cancerous mass attached to his heart, and his lungs were filling up with blood.  The vet thought the best thing to do was put him down.  So I left after class, and mustered enough courage to get the kids out of school and tell them what was going on. 

We made our way to the vet’s office and said our last goodbyes.  I wasn’t able to say my last goodbye to my childhood dog growing up, so I made this one count.  I even curled up on the floor next to him and told him all things I loved about him, that I was sorry for times I should have treated him better, and that I didn’t want to see him suffer any longer.  Tears flowed freely between the four of us, and I think our dog knew we did the best we could for him.

Then we opted to stay and watch as the doc injected him with the medicine to stop his heart, and we finally saw him at peace.  The staff imprinted his paw print in a piece of clay that we took home and baked until it hardened, as a memento. 

Nothing prepares a person for death and the grieving process.  At one point my hubby blamed himself for buying a dog, knowing the life expectancy wasn’t as long as human life and feeling bad the kids had to be in pain over his death.  I told him the short amount of pain and grieving we’ll have won’t undo the 10 good years we had with the dog. 

Either way our house doesn’t feel cozy and warm any longer.  The light our dog had brought to our lives has gone out, and so has the motivation to be as happy as we once were with him by our side.  He was the one creature who gave me unconditional love, helping to make all of my toughest of school/work days manageable.  In a selfish way I’m upset he couldn’t have held on for one more semester. 

I’m happy he isn’t suffering anymore.  Slowly we are boxing up his things around the house.  It’s tough to get over the habits we’ve formed like letting him outside before bed and first thing in the morning.  Or driving past the dog park on a beautiful day thinking he would love to play with the other dogs, but realizing he cannot.  The thought of getting another dog, at this point, is out of the question.

I’m really banking on the idea that pets go to Heaven, because our dog would help make it a cozier place. 

Compassion and Discrimination

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          About five years ago, my kids and I went to Philadelphia PA for a work function of mine.  Coincidentally we also learned a lesson about discrimination, compassion, and bullying right outside the front steps of City Hall.  The evening before heading back home, my two kids, and I toured the downtown area of Philly.  While we were debating where we should go for lunch we were walking by the City Hall building and saw a homeless man sleeping on the steps.  My kids were not used to seeing this aspect of city life, so they asked a lot of questions as to how someone becomes homeless.  During our conversation we settled on eating lunch at McDonalds because it was close and we decided together that we would buy an extra meal and offer it to the homeless man.  Right as we were walking up the steps to the man, a police car pulled up and two police men got out with their billy clubs in hand.  They hurriedly walked past us and started talking to the homeless man telling him he couldn’t sleep there.  All the while, one of their hands was holding the billy club and the other hand was resting on their belted guns.  We picked up our pace and asked the officers if we could offer our meal to the man.  The officers granted us permission and after we extended the meal to the homeless man, he accepted it, with a smile on his face.  Then the officers handcuffed and escorted the homeless man to the back of their police car and then, they were gone.  We were slightly in disbelief and the kids were upset at what we had just witnessed.

            Growing up in the inner city of Minneapolis, a scene similar to this one wasn’t uncommon for me to see.  I took the opportunity to teach my kids of the discrimination that is prevalent not just in the bigger cities like Philadelphia and Minneapolis but even in smaller communities where we live.  For instance, when they see a man walking around our city wearing the same clothes day after day, asking if we can spare a buck or two this is homelessness.  He may have a place to sleep at night, but he spends his days wandering around the city without a home to go to.  I reminded my kids that just because we are more financially sound than the homeless man, doesn’t mean our family isn’t without struggles.  At any moment, any of us could lose all that we have and become homeless too, and that we should not look down on this man because he is homeless. 

            During the whole situation, I had an inner urge to help the homeless man.  I was able to think quickly of something we could do, to help him, by offering him a meal.  The small gesture warmed my heart, because I wasn’t sure if this man had ever been given a gift.  Then again maybe he had been given plenty of gifts and mine was not so special after all.  Either way, that didn’t seem to matter as much as showing compassion and putting myself in his shoes.  My spiritual belief to - do unto others, as you would have done unto you - came to mind and if I were in the same situation, I would appreciate help and empathy.  I could not help but think about where this man lived or if he just slept on the streets?  Did he have any family?  Did he have anyone who thought of him as special, if so, where were they?  What was most upsetting to me was the way the officers treated the man with such harshness and brawn.  Instead of treating him like a human, I felt they were pushing their weight around because they had power over him.

            In our nursing class, we have been learning about bullying in the workplace but the definition is universal.  Bullying is “real or perceived power differential between the instigator and recipient”.  When the police officers had their hands on their Billy clubs and guns they were showing their real and perceived power differential over the homeless man.  There was a power differential between the police officers and our family, and the public walking by witnessing the incident.  This situation is common among many cultural and diverse populations. 

Homelessness and financial burdens are seen in the hospital setting, and we as nurses, are called to a higher standard of care.  We have to give unbiased and equal care to all of our patients, no matter where they are from or why they are in our care.  Being a nurse doesn’t allow us the freedom to bully our patients, instead we strive to advocate and teach wellness, as evidenced by our code of ethics.  As a reminder of Provision One of our nursing code of ethics, the nurse, in all professional relationships, practices with compassion and respect for the inherent dignity, worth, and uniqueness of every individual, unrestricted by considerations of social or economic status, personal attributes, or the nature of health problems.

In my future nursing role, I am encouraged to bring kindness and compassion to one another just out of the simple principal of being humane.  What I witnessed in Philly, is significant to me, because I am reminded every one of us has a story, a background, and our own timeline of events that have led us to where we are now.  We should be throwing away our judgmental attitudes towards others who are different.  We need to educate ourselves about other people’s differences and make a movement forward of being more accepting of others.  In turn, like the popular expression of paying it forward, other people can be encouraged by our behavior, to bestow helpful behavior unto others.

5 Things Friday

This week has been relaxing and wonderful, yet scary at the same time leaving me thankful.

Here is a picture of one of my favorite snowmen decorations

My dining room table, all set for Christmas

 My Black Friday score, it may look cheap but sure works great!

 See what it can do...fixed my blanket just.like.that

 The proof that teenage drivers aren't invincible

Look how awful crazy my daughter's car looks after her car accident last night.  Had her license for two months, and only after having the vehicle for a month and a half, she had her first accident.

She's okay but had the scare of her life.  She's not interested in driving anytime soon.  She ran a stop sign and hit head-on into another car at 25-30 mph.  Both drivers were okay.  

I've not experienced anything more scary than walking up to the accident scene with police cars, a fire truck, and ambulance (not to forget to mention both banged up cars) with their lights flashing and all I wanted to see was my daughter.  I would have pulled a car off of her if I had to at that point with all the adrenaline pumping, but thankfully it wasn't that bad.  My hubby and I followed her into the ambulance to get checked out.  Because the airbag went off she had gun powder on her and scratches and bruises all over.  Overall no LOC and all extremities had good blood flow with full ROM.  We opted to drive her to the ER to make sure no broken bones.  Later that night after the kids went to bed my hubby and I just looked at each other astonished and thankful.  

Thankful the Lord protected our daughter and kept her as safe as possible given the circumstances.

Here's hoping all of your Thanksgivings were just as thankful and blessed.

Excitement in November

Okay so you haven’t heard from me in a while because I was in studying hell!  Two huge exams this week…all done…in the books…sigh…relax time.

I cannot tell you how much agony the body goes through under the mountains of stress we add to it.  Coupled with inadequate sleep = weakening my immune system = wow tears and stuff.

Let me add in here how incredibly amazing my hubby is!!  He is supportive by making me and the kids dinner when I can’t see past my mammoth of a text book because I’m too busy studying. Even while he's a snotty mess full of sickness.

What’s even better than this, you ask??  Why a dozen roses of course J  Why would such a hardworking father, fulltime provider, amazing, and wonderful hubby do such a thing??  To remind me that he is extremely proud of my efforts and amazing talent and that he wanted to let me know how much he cares.  Awww people, isn’t that the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard?  I received the flowers right before my toughest exam today and they brought me to tears.  I don’t deserve my hubby, because he is so kind.  Okay really I do, but I’m just grateful for him.  He’s a keeper!

Anyway as of 4pm today I am much better in mind and spirit!  I aced my Thursday exam and passed today’s exam.  All in all I feel good.  Soon as I left the school building I took 3 deep breaths and enjoyed the moment.  All thanks to God for listening to my much rambling, many whines, and muffled cries for help and bringing me through with peace and passing grades.

I jumped in my vehicle and cranked up the Christmas music…that’s right you heard right Christmas music.  My 16 yo daughter tries to remind me it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet, and that she thinks I’m jumping the gun on my excitement for winter break.  I THINK NOT!  In fact, I asked my hubby to pull the Christmas tree out and that sucker’s going up on Sunday.   I’ve even downloaded a free live wallpaper for my cell phone so I can watch people ice-skating across my screen.   Super CHEESE I know (-;

Shoot if our plan goes off without any problems, we’ll be moving to Texas in the summer and this will officially be our last winter in Wisconsin.  Sniff sniff, so I’m going to make the most of it.

As soon as Winter break begins, besides getting back to the gym (to lose the couple #s of stress weight), I’ve got a long list of things to accomplish.  Here are just a few things:

Build a snowman

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Go sledding

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Go Ice-skating

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Sit in my living room and watch the huge snowflakes fall for hours

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Attend church on Sundays and any other mid-week event if I so choose

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Make hot cocoa

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Bake lots of different bakes goods ranging from sugar cookie cutouts, to my hubby’s favorite (molasses cookies), and even a few Pinterest recipes I’ve had my eyes on including homemade butter bread.  Yumm@

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I’m going to help out with volunteer opportunities collecting canned goods with my nursing school organization.

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I’ll probably have to shovel here and there, as well as, practice like a mad woman some NCLEX questions, but overall I just can’t wait to enjoy my family again.  AMEN!

Mini-get-away

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The very first minute I stepped out of the airport terminal while my hubby was securing us a rental car, the afternoon breeze smacked me in the face reminding me what it feels like to be human again.  I was “in love” with the warm temperature and thought if there was a lounge chair I probably would have sat down and taken a nap.  I had only been to Georgia one other time but didn’t really appreciate the experience like I did this last weekend. The weather of course was wonderful.  The people I came in contact with were lovely, friendly, and hospitable.  The family we stayed with was awesome, our kids and their kids had such a fun time playing together and running around the house enjoying each other.  There was lots of eating to our hearts content and “dance-offs” in the evenings before bed.  Shopping on Saturday where I scored a pair of brown leather boots to add to my collection was only a small highlight.  Unfortunately the mini-vaca ended all too quickly and I was headed back to Wisconsin by Sunday afternoon, while the hubby and kids stayed to go to the Cowboys/Falcons game later that night. 

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Even though I came back earlier than the rest of my family I was happy once again to sleep in my own bed.  And I had to crank up the heat seeing as though the temperature difference was at least 30 degrees from where I had been.  Geez, next summer can’t come soon enough for when we move to a warmer state.

Monday, yesterday, I had clinical in the PICU.  I helped a new orientating grad nurse take care of an infant with Prader-willi along with many other difficulties leaving him, vent dependent, trach dependent, and peg dependent.  What stood out to me the most was how the mom doted on him and sang to him, talked to him even if he didn’t respond to her, she continued.  She did all of his trach suctioning, cleaning and was involved when RT had to percuss his chest to break up the fluid in his lungs.  I thought this woman has so much more strength than I’ll ever know, and the amount of love and devotion is endless.  This is what you sign up for when you become a parent, the unconditional and endless love for the baby God has placed in your care.  Each day I come home from clinical I’m so grateful that my kids are healthy and smart and beautiful.  I love them with all of my heart!

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