Monday, January 21, 2013

Nerves Getting the Best of Me

Nervous for what you may ask?  Nervous for tomorrow being my first day back to school for my final semester of school.  
Nervous because why?  Let me list a few for you: 1) because I’m scared of being overwhelmed with mountains of homework like last semester where I had a hard time keeping things organized.  2) because I’m worried about the (two) 10-12 hour clinical days per week, consisting of up to four patients at a time (yikes). 3) worried that I won’t be able to absorb my time with friends and the small moments of nursing school and that before I know it, I’ll be done.  4) most importantly worried I won’t pass the NCLEX at the end.

I’ve been reading blogs of friends who have graduated and passed the boards, and I’ve even see upper classmen live to tell about how their strategies worked for them or not.  I’ve listened and stored lots of advice in my brain.  And I’m not saying I’m better or unique, but I just think I’m going to have a harder time passing the darn thing than most other people. 

I can almost guarantee I’ll take longer than the minimal 75 questions to pass the NCLEX, and if the screen does shut off after 75 questions it won’t be because I passed.  I mean at least that’s how I feel deep down inside.  I almost hate to admit that because I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me.  Maybe I’ll pass just fine because that’s the picture he painted for my future instead of my insecure one, and if so then AMEN!  But what if I’m humbled and I don’t pass the first time, what if I don’t pass the second time.  I’m not prepared for that! 

I don’t think I could broadcast my exam date even on my blog because I’d be so embarrassed if I didn’t pass the first time around.  But I guess if I do announce a date for when I’m taking the NCLEX, and I don’t write a follow-up within a week after taking it, then you’ll know it didn’t go well.  UGH!!!  Why is this so hard to even want to deal with it?  It’s just another exam, testing me on content and application; I’ve been doing this for 4 semesters so far, so I should have nothing to worry about, right?  Right!

Then why am I so nervous?


  1. Zazzy, Rewind. Rewind. Rewind. What voices are you listening to? Deep breath. In. Out. Good. Enjoy the moments. One test at a time. One patient at a time. You are so way ahead of me when I graduated in 2008 with my BSN. I couldn't look at the number on the NCLEX b/c I knew I would freak. The exam shut off about 1 hour and 20 minutes and I double checked all my answers. When I left the building, I walked down to the river. It was late September. There were a few wild flowers poking out of the rocks. A hummingbird was going from flower-to-flower. Deep breath. I knew that I had done my best and I knew that HE was (and is) with me every step of the way. Listen to what you KNOW is true. If I have the faith of a mustard seed for you, surely you have the faith of two mustard seeds . ..

  2. Aww Debbie, you never cease to amaze me! Thank you for the absolute lovely reminder to stay calm. The deceiver gets into my brain and penetrates to feed me lies. I should know better but sometimes the voices and inclinations are very obstreperous. Only HE knows where HE wants me, and I need to go in that direction more confidently :-) Thank you!

  3. you can do it...first of all ...don't worry about the NCLEX - that's further down the line.
    You've done well in school and I'm sure you'll pass. Just be glad you aren't taking in the old days like...two days of paper testing at the LA County fairgrounds. We spent one whole day there, stayed in a hotel...and finished the next day (one of the girls in my class took day #1 then delivered her baby and wasn't able to return for day two - not sure she ever retook it).
    At least yours will be done quicker - HA!

    Concentrate on today and what can be accomplished now. You will get through the are almost done! Make a check off calendar and count down. You can do anything for 16 weeks!