Poem "See Me"

I watched a video in class today that was simply stunning and beautiful that it brought me to tears.  The video was of a reenactment of a poem written by an anonymous elder living in a nursing home on a piece of paper that was found in the garbage and later published.

Love our elderly population and embrace their wisdom people, we have a lot to learn from them!!

“See Me”

"What do you, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise?
Uncertain of habit with faraway eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
when you say in a loud voice, 'I do wish you'd try;'
who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Is that what you're thinking?
Is that what you see?
Then, open your eyes . . .
you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,
as I do your bidding, as I eat (at) your will.

I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,
brothers and sisters who love one another.

A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.

A bird soon at 20, my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows (that) I promised to keep.

At 25 now, I have young of my own,
who need me to build a secure, happy home.

A woman of 30, my young . . . grows fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.

At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,
but my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.

At 50, more babies’ play round my knee;
again, we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.
I look to the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing (the) young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love I have known.

I'm an old woman now, and nature is cruel.
'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles; grace and vigor depart.
There (now is) a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
and now and again, my heart (truly) swells.
I remember the joy, I remember the pain,
and I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So, open your eyes, nurses, and see . . .
Not a crabby old woman, look closer, see me."

-Author Unknown

Denied Internship

I was informed a few weeks ago that I was denied the summer internship at all of the hospitals that I applied for.  I have to say it’s taken a few weeks to recover from my disappointment which is why I didn’t write sooner.  I thought I had a better chance of getting an internship by being employed at the hospital as a CNA, but I was wrong.  After talking to my manager about my disappointment she reassured me that I would have a job as an RN on her floor after I graduate.  She loves my work ethic and passion to help the patient at all times.  This made me happy!  My manager also said she would personally contact the nursing recruiter to make sure that I’m considered if one of the spots becomes open.  This made me happy too!  I love my manager; she is just a great woman and an excellent model of what I would be striving for after becoming a nurse.

I tossed up the idea of applying to a couple hospitals in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area for their summer externships but unfortunately I’ve missed their deadlines (thanks for all your help NurseXY). 

Instead I’ve applied for a community health internship for this summer.  It would be for 8 weeks and I could work in rural counties or bigger cities like Milwaukee.  I’ve always had an interest in public health and after I heard from some guest speakers this past semester about public health nursing, I think I’ve been bitten by their infectious bug. 

If I don’t end up getting any summer internship that’ll be okay too.  I’ll just fill in some of the gaps with working and taking a couple online classes to finish up my extra credits needed before I graduate.

Successful Foley

Hey everyone guess what???  I inserted a Foley on a real patient this past week and it was remarkable and successful!  My instructor came with me and made sure I did everything correctly.  I was actually able to do a sterile procedure outside of the skills lab on a real human being, woo-hoo!  The patient was kind and wonderful and afterwards I just wanted to jump up and down and tell them they were my first Foley, but I refrained.

With this same patient I was able to do my first ever bladder scan too.  I didn’t have help from my nurse or instructor but they make those machines pretty fool proof so that’s good.

I’m so loving this semester as opposed to last semester, it speaks volumes having a great instructor willing to teach you things all the while keeping in mind that you are still only a student.  I’ve been feeling much more confident on my head-to-toe assessments, med passes, writing up orders, paging doctors, and even calling telemetry and asking what the patient’s rhythms are.  I think I might just be okay after all!

Weekly Journal

Let me take you on a journey of my week.  First I started out strong studying Monday night, and this sheet of paper is of a case study for a patient who is suffering from hypertension.  I was excited to get to class and well prepared for lecture.  After all this writing with my scribbled answers, it turns out we didn't need to hand our sheet in, just practice.  Good, because the instructor would have never been able to read my writing anyway.

Study study study seems to be all I ever do

By Wednesday I was ready for fun and wanted to distract myself from studying for the upcoming HESI. This is a picture of my hubby, son, and me as we were sitting in our seats at my daughter’s high school auditorium waiting for a hypnosis show by world renowned Jim Wand.  I swear all those participants were faking, there's no way that guy hypnotized all those students. As I was explaining this to my family, I saw their faces reflect the looks of when a child is told Santa isn't real. Needless to say they didn't believe me and they actually think this guy is real.

Kids on stage

Jim Wand

Friday night after my disappointing HESI exam, my thoughtful hubby me took me out for ice cream and a little shopping spree to ease the pain from my epic failure.  These are my new hot pink Avia 5638 workout/everyday shoes!  I love flashy flagrant athletic shoes! 

 During my deep studying on a group research paper (group work is terrible), I decided I need a hair color change once again.  Currently my hair is dark (pretty close to my natural color) but I think it's too dark.  Funny thing is that once I get highlights put in, I tend to want to change it back to dark as soon as it grows out.  Then once I change my hair color to dark, I feel like it's too dark and drab and want highlights again.  Such a vicious cycle.  One of these days I'll be happy with a color that's just right for me.

HESI Exam #1 Results

Goodness me!  I failed the HESI and I’m devastated.  For over a month plenty of upper classmen were trying to warn our class that the exam is hard and that nearly nobody passes it on the first try.  I thought that was odd and that maybe those people didn’t study hard enough or long enough and that I wasn’t going to be like them.

I practiced and practiced NCLEX style questioning; learning how to dissect the question with the stem important words right down to the distracter answers.  I learned how to answer the questions regarding assessment vs. implementation, Maslow and Erickson’s theories, ABCs, and Safety, yet I still didn’t pass.  In fact only 4 or 5 people passed out of our entire class of 16.  Makes you wonder what the point of the exam is?  I get that they want us to be familiar with computer based exams, and learning to answer NCLEX style questions, but we’ve taken exams on the computers before and if we get and NCLEX book to practice then we’ll be used to that style of questioning.  If statistically more kids fail than pass (who are great top ranked smart students) then what’s that say about our studying or school or the level of the questioning etc.?  Does my university just want to boast about high average exam scores?  If so, they’ll have to either make the exam easier or lessen their expectations.

The cut off score was 900 and my girlfriend scored an 899, and she still has to come back and retake it. 

The funny thing to me is that even though we’ll be retaking the exam, and paying $40 we’ll be asked the exact same questions as the first one.  There’s no alternate exam, so as long as we stayed after to read the correct answers and rationale then we should be fine.

Dang-it-all I really wanted to be in the other group of kids who passed.  Oh well, I’m glad it’s over and done with for now and on to next one.  PS thanks for your well wishes, thoughts, and prayers for me.

HESI is today!

The HESI exam is scheduled today and I'm nervous.  I didn't sleep well and even though my alarm was set for 0630, I woke up at 0530. 

I'm not on the "same page" as my husband which doesn't help when trying to concentrate on NCLEX type questions. 

I would appreciate all of your prayers, thoughts, and well wishes.  If I don't pass then I'll have to retake the exam and pay $41. 

Here's hoping things go well!