Mid Last Semester Concerns

Here I am in my last semester with only 14 weeks of school left, and 4 weeks of clinical left.  I’m flying so high on cloud 9 because the work load / group projects have decreased drastically.  I’m excited and absorbing my family much more now-a-days.  I’m able to help with laundry and cleaning and cooking around the house.  I almost feel normal again, however I can’t help feeling like I ought to be doing something more.  I write out my to-do lists for classes and can’t find something to work on, except of course practicing my NCLEX questions.  I can never get enough of those.

I’m asking for prayers on my future, specifically 1) where our family is going to live after graduation, and 2) where I’m going to be employed after I pass the boards.

Although our percentage is high to move to Texas this summer, we’re still not 100% sure.  Unfortunately all I can say at this point is nothing is for sure yet.  Either way I want to be settled in my soul and spirit with whatever our future holds.  Because of our uncertainty, brings me to my second prayer request of not knowing where I’ll be working.  Considering we could be staying here in town, I have to realistically apply for nursing jobs at the hospital where I am employed.  As well as apply for RN jobs in Texas, in case we for sure move there too.  This is tricky to say the least, but I know it’s best to put my eggs in a bunch of baskets and get multiple offers rather than just a few and get no offers.

My dilemma on the birth center where I work now (and want to work after I pass the boards), is that the job openings are far and few in between.  I’ve come to find out that my chances of an RN job opening up and being offered to me are low.  In fact one of the new nurses announced she is leaving her job to relocate elsewhere, which meant an opening.  And while I noticed a job opening and applied for it, my boss didn’t mention the opening to me, like I thought she would have.  Which then, leads me to think that I may not be the person they want to fill the job.  Now I don’t know if this is doubt or my own insecurities or that maybe my boss already has an opening I’m not aware of waiting for me?  Either way I don’t know what to think.  So I made an appointment to speak to my boss about my intentions of wanting to get hired after I graduate.  That meeting is scheduled for 2/25, and I would hope to have an understanding on whether they want me working there as an RN.  If I hear during that meeting anything other than “yes we want you” and/or “yes we’ll make sure there’s an opening for you as an RN”, then I’m going straight to my other bosses office on the med/surg floor and get the ball rolling on a job there.

You see part of the problem is that I assumed I’d have no problem getting a job on the med/surg floor because those openings have high turnover rates.  However, the longer I wait to hear from the birth center, leaves me with a smaller chance on the med/surg floor.  Whichever way I look at the situation I have to start acting now, otherwise I’ll be missing out on both units.

And yes, I have applied for a few jobs in the Dallas area, and hope to hear back from them around the same time I can say for sure we’ll be moving there.  The decisions seemed easier in my head but as I write them out here, they seem awfully confusing…so, sorry for that.

On another note, with the extra time I have available for family, I’ve been helping my son with his studies and engaged more with my daughter and her busy schedule.  I’ve been able to watch favorite TV shows with my hubby, and more involved with my bible reading plans.  

After I find out more on the 25^th I’ll write an update regarding both matters mentioned above.  Meanwhile stay warm everyone!

Nerves Getting the Best of Me

I’M SO STINKING NERVOUS!  

Nervous for what you may ask?  Nervous for tomorrow being my first day back to school for my final semester of school.  

Nervous because why?  Let me list a few for you: 1) because I’m scared of being overwhelmed with mountains of homework like last semester where I had a hard time keeping things organized.  2) because I’m worried about the (two) 10-12 hour clinical days per week, consisting of up to four patients at a time (yikes). 3) worried that I won’t be able to absorb my time with friends and the small moments of nursing school and that before I know it, I’ll be done.  4) most importantly worried I won’t pass the NCLEX at the end.

I’ve been reading blogs of friends who have graduated and passed the boards, and I’ve even see upper classmen live to tell about how their strategies worked for them or not.  I’ve listened and stored lots of advice in my brain.  And I’m not saying I’m better or unique, but I just think I’m going to have a harder time passing the darn thing than most other people. 

I can almost guarantee I’ll take longer than the minimal 75 questions to pass the NCLEX, and if the screen does shut off after 75 questions it won’t be because I passed.  I mean at least that’s how I feel deep down inside.  I almost hate to admit that because I don’t know what the Lord has in store for me.  Maybe I’ll pass just fine because that’s the picture he painted for my future instead of my insecure one, and if so then AMEN!  But what if I’m humbled and I don’t pass the first time, what if I don’t pass the second time.  I’m not prepared for that! 

I don’t think I could broadcast my exam date even on my blog because I’d be so embarrassed if I didn’t pass the first time around.  But I guess if I do announce a date for when I’m taking the NCLEX, and I don’t write a follow-up within a week after taking it, then you’ll know it didn’t go well.  UGH!!!  Why is this so hard to even want to deal with it?  It’s just another exam, testing me on content and application; I’ve been doing this for 4 semesters so far, so I should have nothing to worry about, right?  Right!

Then why am I so nervous?

Unpretentious Birth

Nothing pleases me more while working on the birthing center, than when the call light goes off for one of the rooms with a laboring mom ready to push.  I get all excited and giddy, and pick up the pace to grab a sterile cart that I’ve already prepared for this moment.  Usually the nurse I’m following grabs the baby scale and together we enter the room. 

The look in the mother’s eyes is not of shock or that we’ve intruded, despite the fact that sometimes her bottom is exposed.  Instead her look is of desperation to get the baby out and end the exhaustion that labor is putting her through. 

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The mother we took care of that day already had given birth once before, that took over two hours of actual pushing, and she was afraid this labor would be the same.  The nurse reassured her by saying that every pregnancy was different and we would know more after she started pushing.

Sometimes I am caught off guard by the sounds laboring moms can make, or how they talk to their spouses because of frustration.  This mom didn’t say much and every time she felt the pain increase from another contraction, she would cover her mouth as if to control herself to stay quiet.  She also purchased a birthing gown prior to coming to the hospital, and the nurse did her best to push it out of the way so it wouldn’t get soiled.  However, she was quite modest and kept pushing her gown down to cover her vagina, so her hubby and her mother wouldn’t see her exposed. 

The actual pushing of active labor only lasted about half an hour, especially after we talked her into dropping her knees down allowing for a wider opening.  Also, we put the head of the bed down straightening out the vaginal canal.  I was thrilled to take over the “counting to 10” for my nurse while she caught up on some charting during a few of the earlier pushes.  This made me feel like I was the nurse coaching the mom through the labor process, if only for a few pushes.

Moments later, the baby was on the warmer getting cleaned up and healthy apgar scores were being tallied.  Mom was saying over and over how beautiful the baby looked, dad was a blubbering mess (which I LOVE to see), and grandma was hugging and kissing her daughter for doing such a good job.  To be honest, even my eyes were a bit misty.

This never gets old to me; I love to watch the miracle of birth happen over and over!  I am so very blessed and happy with my decision to work here.  Now if only I could get a job as a nurse on this unit, I’d be all set!  Oh and also, between me and the nurse, together we were able to keep mom’s gown from getting too dirty.

New Year = New Word = Flexible

I know the second weekend in January is already upon me, but I’ve been inspired to write a New Year posting similar to this one one.

Carrie from Chasing Big Dreams wrote about a word(s) that summed up her 2012, along with a few new words to charge forward with into 2013, rather than New Year Resolutions.

Since I've never heard of this concept before, I was not able to sum up my 2012 into one word.  However, looking forward to the possibilities of my future this year, I think I have found a word that will fit nicely.

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Flexible defined by www.dictionary.com as: Capable of bending easily without breaking.  Able to be easily modified to respond to altered circumstances or conditions.

Here are a few of the areas that will pull and twist me, hopefully without breaking me:

~Finishing my last semester of nursing school

~Being supportive of my husband’s new job responsibilities that will take him on business trips more often leaving us without him

~Cleaning and purging my home in the attempt to get it ready to sell

~Keeping said home clean during “showings” from the Realtor (with two messy teenagers)

~Selling our house and possibly living in an apartment if only temporarily

~Studying for the NCLEX (state boards) AND passing them

~Searching, interviewing, and accepting a nursing job

~Saying goodbye to my family members and friends

~Moving to Texas

~Finding a home

~Adjusting to the positive and negatives of moving

~Learning the southern lifestyle

~Starting out as a fresh baby nurse

I think that’s about it.  I would love to put my new word to the test, and see if in January 2014, I was able to be flexible.  Here's to the new year!

Last Winter Break Before Graduation

This is my last winter break from school before I graduate in May with my BSN, and in a previous post I mentioned a few things I wanted to do with my family.  Here's what I've been up to:

Sledding with the kids

Reading more of the Bible

Making Gingerbread/Graham Cracker houses

Watching the snow fall, then melt, then fall, etc.

Enjoying my favorite cookie (peanut buttered Ritz crackers dunked in milk chocolate Almond Bark)

Working out more at the gym

Enjoying my Christmas lights (since this picture has been taken, the tree has come down)

Ultimately I couldn't have asked for a more productive winter break.  I start school in a few short weeks and until then, I am picking up more hours at work.  I hope you all had wonderful Christmas and New Year celebrations.

PS I couldn't forget the dreaded studying for NCLEX that I'll be doing as well.

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Ambassador

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It’s amazing to be called an ambassador as a Christian in 2 Corinthians 5: 11-21.  Many times I have spoken to others, of my zest and zeal for Christ without realizing there could be questions that I may not have the answers to.  That just because my emotions are electrifying would not be enough to carry me through a conversation without knowledge and truth from the Word to back up what I’m saying.

I find this a sore spot in my job as an ambassador for nursing too.  I may have the best intention to help heal others through serviceable hands, a willing heart, and empathy, but without knowledge I won’t get very far.  I’d be pretty useless.  If people rely on me for correct answers, then I better know what I’m talking about otherwise they won’t trust me and trust is very hard to work on earning back.

I had a conversation with my mother the other day regarding the way a medication worked (statins) and I was corrected by my mother (she is the patient taking this medication).  That was a humbling experience and even though she did not know the conversation had that kind of effect on me, I felt knocked off my block of understanding and knowledge.  I felt shaken on my foundational skills as a soon-to-be graduate nurse.  It was not the fact that I did not know the action of the medication, it was that I thought I did.  I could have led my mother in the wrong direction and if she did not know any better she could have believed my misguidance.

 

If this mishap could easily have been done regarding medication and someone's life in my hands and losing their trust as their nurse, then how much more damaging would it be to lead them astray in their spiritual life?  

I would never intentionally tell something to someone incorrectly, but because of my ignorance I’m motivated to learn more conscientiously.

Another Semester in the History Books

Heeeeeeeellllllloooooooooo people!  Wow what a great vacation it has been from school!  I feel like a new woman after the end of each semester.  I swear during each semester, I feel entrapped in some kind of intellectual hell that I can’t break free from or don’t know when it will end with deadline after deadline in my tunnel vision.  However after the semester comes to an end, I suddenly feel alive again.  The sun is brighter, the kids are more enjoyable, the hubby is more relaxed, and I actually have time to care about myself again.

So here are my official grades after such a crazy and almost unbearable semester:

I feel good about these grades because I was paired up with some amazing group members that cared as much as I did for great finished work and projects (almost to a fault), despite our crazy group problems. 

I’m so excited for my last semester to be over with already.  It hasn’t even started but I'll be thrilled when it's done.  Our semester starts back up again on Jan. 22^nd with 6 weeks of clinical right off the bat.  We’ll be in clinical on Tuesday and Wednesdays for 10-11 hours with as many as 4 patients…yikes!  I hope the nurse I’m assigned to will be helpful and not thinking to him/herself that since I’ll be graduating in May to just leave me.

Christmas came and went with much excitement, fun, family time, and good eats.  In preparing my heart for the true meaning of Christmas, I enjoyed the message being taught at my church with a 4-week series about (Turning Your Christmas Upside Down).  But I knew I needed something more, and since I didn’t have my nose in a textbook, I wanted to put my nose back into the bible.  Reading the Word of God daily helps set my mind right in all avenues of life.  I happened upon Misty’s blog posting about a website called She Reads Truth, which has lots of daily plans to follow and a supportive community to go along with it.  I started a reading plan and have been transformed not just leading up to Christmas but afterwards as well.  My kids even gave me a new journal for Christmas.

http://shereadstruth.com/

I get to work tonight and tomorrow night with the moms and babies, and I’m thrilled.  Last week after spending a 16-hour shift working on the med/surg floor, I’ve never been more convinced that OB/GYN is my calling.  I’ve often wondered if I can’t get a job as a grad nurse on the birth center would I be willing to work in the NICU verses the med/surg floor.  I don’t think I can work with sick or premature babies, they scare me too much.  I prefer the healthy pink onesJ  so there you have it, choice 1=birth center, choice 2=med/surg, choice 3=NICU.  At least that's what I think now, this may change again in the future.

Benny

Well I have to bring some sad news to deliver, as if there wasn’t enough; on 12/11/12 we had to put our beloved dog of 10 years down. 

Our dog had been having troubles breathing the weekend before but like most times when he had trouble breathing I assumed it was a cold.  But something wasn’t right because he just seemed off.  As the weekend ended and Monday began he just was so restless and unable to sleep for more than 5 minutes.  He paced around the house incessantly, and ate very little.  When we let him outside to go potty he would get so tired and just sit down in the snow, until he gathered enough strength to get back inside.  He held his head up high to breathe better.  At one point I was going to run to school to get my stethoscope to see if I could hear any wetness on his lungs.  We had an appointment with the vet on Tuesday afternoon, but by Tuesday morning my hubby rescheduled for a sooner time slot.  We couldn’t wait any longer, he was suffering so much.

The kids and I went to school and my hubby brought the dog to the vet, and I told my hubby not to make any decisions to put the dog down without me and the kids saying our last goodbyes. 

My hubby called and said the vet told him our dog had a cancerous mass attached to his heart, and his lungs were filling up with blood.  The vet thought the best thing to do was put him down.  So I left after class, and mustered enough courage to get the kids out of school and tell them what was going on. 

We made our way to the vet’s office and said our last goodbyes.  I wasn’t able to say my last goodbye to my childhood dog growing up, so I made this one count.  I even curled up on the floor next to him and told him all things I loved about him, that I was sorry for times I should have treated him better, and that I didn’t want to see him suffer any longer.  Tears flowed freely between the four of us, and I think our dog knew we did the best we could for him.

Then we opted to stay and watch as the doc injected him with the medicine to stop his heart, and we finally saw him at peace.  The staff imprinted his paw print in a piece of clay that we took home and baked until it hardened, as a memento. 

Nothing prepares a person for death and the grieving process.  At one point my hubby blamed himself for buying a dog, knowing the life expectancy wasn’t as long as human life and feeling bad the kids had to be in pain over his death.  I told him the short amount of pain and grieving we’ll have won’t undo the 10 good years we had with the dog. 

Either way our house doesn’t feel cozy and warm any longer.  The light our dog had brought to our lives has gone out, and so has the motivation to be as happy as we once were with him by our side.  He was the one creature who gave me unconditional love, helping to make all of my toughest of school/work days manageable.  In a selfish way I’m upset he couldn’t have held on for one more semester. 

I’m happy he isn’t suffering anymore.  Slowly we are boxing up his things around the house.  It’s tough to get over the habits we’ve formed like letting him outside before bed and first thing in the morning.  Or driving past the dog park on a beautiful day thinking he would love to play with the other dogs, but realizing he cannot.  The thought of getting another dog, at this point, is out of the question.

I’m really banking on the idea that pets go to Heaven, because our dog would help make it a cozier place. 

Compassion and Discrimination

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          About five years ago, my kids and I went to Philadelphia PA for a work function of mine.  Coincidentally we also learned a lesson about discrimination, compassion, and bullying right outside the front steps of City Hall.  The evening before heading back home, my two kids, and I toured the downtown area of Philly.  While we were debating where we should go for lunch we were walking by the City Hall building and saw a homeless man sleeping on the steps.  My kids were not used to seeing this aspect of city life, so they asked a lot of questions as to how someone becomes homeless.  During our conversation we settled on eating lunch at McDonalds because it was close and we decided together that we would buy an extra meal and offer it to the homeless man.  Right as we were walking up the steps to the man, a police car pulled up and two police men got out with their billy clubs in hand.  They hurriedly walked past us and started talking to the homeless man telling him he couldn’t sleep there.  All the while, one of their hands was holding the billy club and the other hand was resting on their belted guns.  We picked up our pace and asked the officers if we could offer our meal to the man.  The officers granted us permission and after we extended the meal to the homeless man, he accepted it, with a smile on his face.  Then the officers handcuffed and escorted the homeless man to the back of their police car and then, they were gone.  We were slightly in disbelief and the kids were upset at what we had just witnessed.

            Growing up in the inner city of Minneapolis, a scene similar to this one wasn’t uncommon for me to see.  I took the opportunity to teach my kids of the discrimination that is prevalent not just in the bigger cities like Philadelphia and Minneapolis but even in smaller communities where we live.  For instance, when they see a man walking around our city wearing the same clothes day after day, asking if we can spare a buck or two this is homelessness.  He may have a place to sleep at night, but he spends his days wandering around the city without a home to go to.  I reminded my kids that just because we are more financially sound than the homeless man, doesn’t mean our family isn’t without struggles.  At any moment, any of us could lose all that we have and become homeless too, and that we should not look down on this man because he is homeless. 

            During the whole situation, I had an inner urge to help the homeless man.  I was able to think quickly of something we could do, to help him, by offering him a meal.  The small gesture warmed my heart, because I wasn’t sure if this man had ever been given a gift.  Then again maybe he had been given plenty of gifts and mine was not so special after all.  Either way, that didn’t seem to matter as much as showing compassion and putting myself in his shoes.  My spiritual belief to - do unto others, as you would have done unto you - came to mind and if I were in the same situation, I would appreciate help and empathy.  I could not help but think about where this man lived or if he just slept on the streets?  Did he have any family?  Did he have anyone who thought of him as special, if so, where were they?  What was most upsetting to me was the way the officers treated the man with such harshness and brawn.  Instead of treating him like a human, I felt they were pushing their weight around because they had power over him.

            In our nursing class, we have been learning about bullying in the workplace but the definition is universal.  Bullying is “real or perceived power differential between the instigator and recipient”.  When the police officers had their hands on their Billy clubs and guns they were showing their real and perceived power differential over the homeless man.  There was a power differential between the police officers and our family, and the public walking by witnessing the incident.  This situation is common among many cultural and diverse populations. 

Homelessness and financial burdens are seen in the hospital setting, and we as nurses, are called to a higher standard of care.  We have to give unbiased and equal care to all of our patients, no matter where they are from or why they are in our care.  Being a nurse doesn’t allow us the freedom to bully our patients, instead we strive to advocate and teach wellness, as evidenced by our code of ethics.  As a reminder of Provision One of our nursing code of ethics, the nurse, in all professional relationships, practices with compassion and respect for the inherent dignity, worth, and uniqueness of every individual, unrestricted by considerations of social or economic status, personal attributes, or the nature of health problems.

In my future nursing role, I am encouraged to bring kindness and compassion to one another just out of the simple principal of being humane.  What I witnessed in Philly, is significant to me, because I am reminded every one of us has a story, a background, and our own timeline of events that have led us to where we are now.  We should be throwing away our judgmental attitudes towards others who are different.  We need to educate ourselves about other people’s differences and make a movement forward of being more accepting of others.  In turn, like the popular expression of paying it forward, other people can be encouraged by our behavior, to bestow helpful behavior unto others.

5 Things Friday

This week has been relaxing and wonderful, yet scary at the same time leaving me thankful.

Here is a picture of one of my favorite snowmen decorations

My dining room table, all set for Christmas

 My Black Friday score, it may look cheap but sure works great!

 See what it can do...fixed my blanket just.like.that

 The proof that teenage drivers aren't invincible

Look how awful crazy my daughter's car looks after her car accident last night.  Had her license for two months, and only after having the vehicle for a month and a half, she had her first accident.

She's okay but had the scare of her life.  She's not interested in driving anytime soon.  She ran a stop sign and hit head-on into another car at 25-30 mph.  Both drivers were okay.  

I've not experienced anything more scary than walking up to the accident scene with police cars, a fire truck, and ambulance (not to forget to mention both banged up cars) with their lights flashing and all I wanted to see was my daughter.  I would have pulled a car off of her if I had to at that point with all the adrenaline pumping, but thankfully it wasn't that bad.  My hubby and I followed her into the ambulance to get checked out.  Because the airbag went off she had gun powder on her and scratches and bruises all over.  Overall no LOC and all extremities had good blood flow with full ROM.  We opted to drive her to the ER to make sure no broken bones.  Later that night after the kids went to bed my hubby and I just looked at each other astonished and thankful.  

Thankful the Lord protected our daughter and kept her as safe as possible given the circumstances.

Here's hoping all of your Thanksgivings were just as thankful and blessed.

Excitement in November

Okay so you haven’t heard from me in a while because I was in studying hell!  Two huge exams this week…all done…in the books…sigh…relax time.

I cannot tell you how much agony the body goes through under the mountains of stress we add to it.  Coupled with inadequate sleep = weakening my immune system = wow tears and stuff.

Let me add in here how incredibly amazing my hubby is!!  He is supportive by making me and the kids dinner when I can’t see past my mammoth of a text book because I’m too busy studying. Even while he's a snotty mess full of sickness.

What’s even better than this, you ask??  Why a dozen roses of course J  Why would such a hardworking father, fulltime provider, amazing, and wonderful hubby do such a thing??  To remind me that he is extremely proud of my efforts and amazing talent and that he wanted to let me know how much he cares.  Awww people, isn’t that the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard?  I received the flowers right before my toughest exam today and they brought me to tears.  I don’t deserve my hubby, because he is so kind.  Okay really I do, but I’m just grateful for him.  He’s a keeper!

Anyway as of 4pm today I am much better in mind and spirit!  I aced my Thursday exam and passed today’s exam.  All in all I feel good.  Soon as I left the school building I took 3 deep breaths and enjoyed the moment.  All thanks to God for listening to my much rambling, many whines, and muffled cries for help and bringing me through with peace and passing grades.

I jumped in my vehicle and cranked up the Christmas music…that’s right you heard right Christmas music.  My 16 yo daughter tries to remind me it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet, and that she thinks I’m jumping the gun on my excitement for winter break.  I THINK NOT!  In fact, I asked my hubby to pull the Christmas tree out and that sucker’s going up on Sunday.   I’ve even downloaded a free live wallpaper for my cell phone so I can watch people ice-skating across my screen.   Super CHEESE I know (-;

Shoot if our plan goes off without any problems, we’ll be moving to Texas in the summer and this will officially be our last winter in Wisconsin.  Sniff sniff, so I’m going to make the most of it.

As soon as Winter break begins, besides getting back to the gym (to lose the couple #s of stress weight), I’ve got a long list of things to accomplish.  Here are just a few things:

Build a snowman

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Go sledding

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Go Ice-skating

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Sit in my living room and watch the huge snowflakes fall for hours

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Attend church on Sundays and any other mid-week event if I so choose

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Make hot cocoa

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Bake lots of different bakes goods ranging from sugar cookie cutouts, to my hubby’s favorite (molasses cookies), and even a few Pinterest recipes I’ve had my eyes on including homemade butter bread.  Yumm@

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I’m going to help out with volunteer opportunities collecting canned goods with my nursing school organization.

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I’ll probably have to shovel here and there, as well as, practice like a mad woman some NCLEX questions, but overall I just can’t wait to enjoy my family again.  AMEN!

Mini-get-away

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The very first minute I stepped out of the airport terminal while my hubby was securing us a rental car, the afternoon breeze smacked me in the face reminding me what it feels like to be human again.  I was “in love” with the warm temperature and thought if there was a lounge chair I probably would have sat down and taken a nap.  I had only been to Georgia one other time but didn’t really appreciate the experience like I did this last weekend. The weather of course was wonderful.  The people I came in contact with were lovely, friendly, and hospitable.  The family we stayed with was awesome, our kids and their kids had such a fun time playing together and running around the house enjoying each other.  There was lots of eating to our hearts content and “dance-offs” in the evenings before bed.  Shopping on Saturday where I scored a pair of brown leather boots to add to my collection was only a small highlight.  Unfortunately the mini-vaca ended all too quickly and I was headed back to Wisconsin by Sunday afternoon, while the hubby and kids stayed to go to the Cowboys/Falcons game later that night. 

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Even though I came back earlier than the rest of my family I was happy once again to sleep in my own bed.  And I had to crank up the heat seeing as though the temperature difference was at least 30 degrees from where I had been.  Geez, next summer can’t come soon enough for when we move to a warmer state.

Monday, yesterday, I had clinical in the PICU.  I helped a new orientating grad nurse take care of an infant with Prader-willi along with many other difficulties leaving him, vent dependent, trach dependent, and peg dependent.  What stood out to me the most was how the mom doted on him and sang to him, talked to him even if he didn’t respond to her, she continued.  She did all of his trach suctioning, cleaning and was involved when RT had to percuss his chest to break up the fluid in his lungs.  I thought this woman has so much more strength than I’ll ever know, and the amount of love and devotion is endless.  This is what you sign up for when you become a parent, the unconditional and endless love for the baby God has placed in your care.  Each day I come home from clinical I’m so grateful that my kids are healthy and smart and beautiful.  I love them with all of my heart!

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Best Way to Describe Group Work

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After all my rantings and ravings about group work, one of my girlfriends sent this to me.  Nuff said!

Update on Being the Scapegoat

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After talking to the "leader" of our group I found out that I wasn't the only person who got docked, in fact everyone did.  What a bunch of dorks, why oh why do these group members think this was the best time to give criticism, I'll never know.  But I do feel better knowing that we're equally hurting rather than just me...even though I didn't dock anyone...Just sayin' :-)

The "leader" said that what she admired about me the most is my sensitive spirit and caring abilities, but what's going to hurt me in the long run is that I allow things to bother me personally.  Umm hello, who wouldn't take being docked by other group members personally?

Maybe my heart just isn't hard enough yet.

Scapegoat

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I’m hurt, upset, and a little pissed off!  This semester by far has been the hardest to handle emotionally and mentally.  I’ve told you in a recent post that we’ve been working in groups but group work is nearly impossible when you have people with such broad academic approaches.  For instance I work in a group of five women, where we have a perfectionist, a leader/micromanager, an airhead who’s flighty, another girl who would rather complain, sigh, or smoke than get work done, and then you have me.  I would put myself right in the higher part of the middle closer to the leader slot.  I definitely get my work done, but if someone wants to lead then by all means I allow them. 

Recently we had to submit a midterm peer evaluation on our group members.  First let me tell you that I thought the best approach to this situation was to give everyone in our group high marks to keep the waters calm until the end of the semester.  Then at the end of the semester if things didn’t get better I would give an honest overall peer evaluation and tell everyone how they could have done better or let them know how well they did.  Let me say that it would have been STUPID to give any of my group members low points because it would be awkward finishing projects with them knowing I had said something bad about them.  Also keep in mind these peer evals are graded.

Moving on, Saturday we heard back from the professor about our overall midterm peer evals and guess what???  I got docked points.  In fact, instead of a solid 100% like I expected, I got a measly 88%.  I was shocked!  What it came down to was a bad grade on a concept map/care plan that could have synthesized better on my section.  However I must state that on the four previous assignments I provided the same kind of work with great grades to back them up.  It was just this particular assignment the group was upset with some low marks we received because a different professor in the class (who is a crazy psycho with an agenda to grade everyone poorly) had given us our grades.  I just felt that people were upset and took out their anger on my peer eval.  I ended up being the scapegoat. 

So in the past, I’ve never really lost sleep over things like a bad test grade or a smart remark from a classmate, but this whole peer eval made me toss and turn last night.  I couldn’t stop thinking over and over in my head how wrong I’d been done and who would be stupid enough to give a poor peer eval half way through the semester??  My real question is how I continue on with the semester.  Knowing I have to work with these women on other projects?  

My first reaction was to confront the whole group, but I know for a fact no one would own up to admitting they wrote the “bad” peer eval for me.  And when I put myself in their shoes I wouldn’t want to either.  So getting the truth isn’t going to happen. 

So now, do I just keep every interaction with them professional, to-the-point, and business-like?  Do I treat them coldly for doing me wrong?  Do I break down and cry to them explaining how hurt I felt over the fact that no one could just talk to me about the issue vs. filling out a peer eval and negatively affecting my grade?  What is wrong with people now-a-days?

5 Things Friday

Hello wonderful world!  It is Friday again and I had an amazing/terrible past couple weeks.  Last week we had 2 exams jammed into 1 week that I'm still reeling from.  Of all exams to score low, I had to go and score low on my Peds exam but high on my community exam.  Not just low like some nursing students think is low like a 98%, I scored a whooping 71%.  In case any of you out there didn't know, that equals failing.  I have 2 more exams and a cumulative final in that class to pick up the pieces and do better.  After that failure student moment, my wonderful, dear supporting hubby helped to guide me on another path in hopes of helping me study for future exams.  He's simply amazing with the amount of knowledge in his head and abilities to see silver linings when I cannot.

He also took me to a Vikings/Titans game that I totally needed!  I was able to sit and watch the fall colors on the trees on the way to Minneapolis and sat up really late the night before the game gabbing on for hours with my sisters and mom.  Life is truly amazing when you can step back and look at the whole instead of the small pieces like nursing school.  Ultimately Vikings won and I cheered the loudest!  Ow ow!

 PS this is the new improved roof and it looks plenty sturdy!

Here is one of the concept maps/care plans I ended up studying for aforementioned failure Peds exam.

However I say this week has been amazing because I took a third exam yesterday in our management nursing class and scored a 95%!  Total redemption and I don't feel as dense as I did last week.  My hubby took me out to lunch and later that evening I cooked two huge batches of cheesy potato soup for the next few weeks and some cake cookies along with some chocolate brownies.
Because that's what I do when I've get a free moment away from studying and learning...I cook/bake!!  Here is a picture of my apron that I loveee sooo much!

Earlier this week (sorry for being out of order), my daughter purchased her first car and got it registered.  This picture shows a sliver of her standing next to her vehicle and she is so excited to finally have a car of her own and go places on her own.  Ahhh sweet freedom, I'm so proud of her and am happy she can finally be her own chauffeur and for her brother too.

Last but not least I was feeling so good about myself yesterday that after class I went and applied for graduation for next May.  Yess!  I cannot wait to be done.

Hope you all had great weeks and I hope your weekends are filled with fun times.  Get out and enjoy the last few days of fall, before the snow falls (depending on where you live of course).  I've got to go to work soon and I'll be working 12 hours tomorrow.  Sunday I'm thrilled to go to church and work on more schoolwork for the following week.

Group Work

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On a global level group work has an important goal within the nursing community.  We have a bunch of individuals to lean on when things get tough.  We understand how our co-workers tick and how they respond to different situations.  Most importantly, we learn how to come to resolutions together to help benefit the patient.  I understand why/how group work is so important on the job. 

However, I absolutely have had enough group work to last me many years within just the short amount of time this semester has been going thus far.

AggHHH I hate GROUP WORK!  We have three classes where we’re paired up into groups of 4-5 for each class.  Then we have two clinical days per week where we’re paired into groups of 4 to do assignments on those days too.  My calendar is so full (no kidding) that I have meetings with these massive different groups almost all 5 days of the week.  Some are before class or during break within class time, or after class.  I’m so overwhelmed I can’t think straight.

What’s even more frustrating is the range of personalities to work with, from having to deal with some members who are total micro-managing type A sort of people.  To working with others who don’t have a voice, would rather not do any work, and basically you’re holding their hand through it all.

All in all, I’ve been learning how to hold my tongue, and show respect for others.  I knew how to do that before I started college, but my craft has been fine-tuned this semester.  

I look forward to next semester when things get a little less hairy, and I can focus on applying for nursing jobs.

Jesus Heals

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I went to church today with my kids and we sat in the second row from the front (we love it up front).  Our pastor was reading from the bible in Mark chapter 2 verses 1-12 about the story of four friends who take their paralytic friend to see Jesus in hopes of healing him.  However the house where Jesus was speaking was too crowded to get inside from the doorway, so these four friends hoisted their buddy up on the roof, cut a hole in it, and lowered him inside.  Jesus goes on to forgive this man his sins, and heals him.  When I first heard this story I totally didn’t understand why Jesus would forgive his sins FIRST before healing him.  But then my pastor explained that Jesus could see this man needed his spiritual needs met first which were forgiveness, and then he moved on to his physical impairment.  How amazing huh?  After my pastor explained the passage, it gave me a whole new understanding of this story.  I just love going to church and getting taught the word of God, getting my weekly spiritual batteries recharged, and courage and confidence to face another week.

What I thought was really really neat was what my 12 year old said after the pastor read the fifth verse {And Jesus seeing their faith said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."}.  My son said “that’s cool”.  Wow!  My son is getting it, and I was there to witness it.  That’s amazing stuff that God is working in my sons life too!

Mark 2:1-12

English Standard Version (ESV)

Jesus Heals a Paralytic

1 And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. ² And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them. ³ And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. ⁴ And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. ⁵ And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” ⁶ Now some of the scribes were sitting there, questioning in their hearts, ⁷ “Why does this man speak like that? He is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?” ⁸ And immediately Jesus, perceiving in his spirit that they thus questioned within themselves, said to them, “Why do you question these things in your hearts? ⁹ Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk’? ¹⁰ But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he said to the paralytic— ¹¹ “I say to you, rise, pick up your bed, and go home.” ¹² And he rose and immediately picked up his bed and went out before them all, so that they were all amazed and glorified God, saying, “We never saw anything like this!”

5 Things Friday

Since I’ve been entirely too busy lately with school to blog anymore, I totally had to make time to squeak out my 5 blog-worthy things that happened this week.

This was how my Monday started out on the way to my Peds clinical.  Which was okay because eventually the skies cleared up long enough to get through our orientation to and from the hospital tour.  Sometimes you just gotta love a rainy day, and quickly after I got home, I changed into my pjs!

 This picture shows a golden and much loved coupon for a free value meal from McDs that I turned in on Tuesday because my son gave it to me and I was craving salt.  In all reality though, my son won two of these and he gave me one to pay off the $4.80 fine I paid on his account at the library.  Hey I'm no dummy, I believe in receiving McDs coupons for payment any day.

Here is the common look of my couch now-a-days, overwhelming, unmanageable, and purely disorganized.  I swear this semester is made up of 95% group work, slightly meaningless group meetings (where more complaining and less work gets done), and deadlines.  My head usually has no problem staying organized but not at the moment.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

 Thursday I finally opened the package and made a wrap with these tortillas.  Usually tortillas are 150 calories each but this brand (found at Walmart) were 100 calories each.  Nice, score!  I put 3 oz. of lunch meat and a low fat skim mozzarella string cheese to a tortilla to make a filling wrap for lunch all under 360 calories.  Ow ow!

Friday was a busy day because my daughter has a homecoming dance scheduled for Saturday night and I chose to hem up her dress right at the last minute.  This is fine because I LOVE TO SEW, but I don't like putting myself into such a time crunch.  Sewing is much less enjoyable that way, either way my daughter was pleased with my work and I was glad for the reprieve from school work.  

On to another weekend filled with work and back to the grind school on Monday.  

How was your week?